Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Knox is our FIGHTER.

Just over a week ago, our sweet baby, Knox, stared death in the eye, fought epically, and has lived to one day hear the tale. I've gone back and forth on how to share this on the blog. I have the entire experience typed up on my phone (the hospital room can be a little boring, and offered me much time to type it, but I've learned that boring in the hospital room means GOOD!). I've decided to share less detail on the blog, but because this is the biggest deal our little family has gone through, and because it was the worst night of my life, I couldn't skip over it.

Late Thursday night, Knox came in contact with some air freshener. After leaving the room to get a diaper, I returned to change his diaper, and found him hardly breathing (if really breathing at all). I starting hitting his back, screamed for Cliff, and within a matter of minutes, we had called 911, and Cliff had given him a priesthood blessing. My phone call with 911 was disconnected, but at that point, Knox seemed to be breathing better, though a little congested. The paramedics called me back, and told me they were sending an ambulance to be safe, and check him out, even though I told them he was doing a bit better. I figured we'd lean on the safe side, and agreed. A minute before their arrival, Knox took a turn for the worse. His breathing worsened, his skin was pale as snow, and we were doing everything to keep the little guy conscious. The paramedics arrived just in time, and we were in the ambulance before I knew it, going full speed to the hospital. The ambulance experience alone could be its own chapter. Knox sat on my lap, his heart rate dropped significantly, and he was put on oxygen. His heart rate dropped so low, that he received chest compressions. At this point, though you'd think I'd be a nervous wreck, I felt calm. I felt like everything was going to be okay, and I just had to keep a clear mind and get him to that hospital. I was praying continually beginning from the time I found him. As we arrived at the hospital, they went to work on him. His breathing improved, and before we knew it, he was breathing on his own, and his heart rate had resumed to normal numbers. They worked on drawing blood, but his little veins were so little and invisible, that it was a task that took them about an hour. He was given a CT Scan and X-Ray. This poor little guy endured so much that night. It wasn't until he was stable, and I saw Cliff come into the ER, that I lost it. From that point on, I was pretty much a miserable, crying wreck off and on for the next several days.

After several hours in the ER, we were sent to a regular hospital room, where he began to recover. He was seen by several doctors including his own pediatrician, an ENT doc, an opthamologist, respiratory nurses, and his sweet weekend crew that I will forever be grateful for. I will also be forever grateful to the paramedic that performed the chest compressions on my baby. He helped my little man fight, was not going to give up on him, yelled to the driver to speed up (which made me realize how serious this really was), and he came over to me in the ER to assure me my baby was going to be fine. He reminded me how bad it got in the ambulance, and how well he had already progressed. He even stayed a little longer when his crew was ready to take off. I heard him say something like he wanted to see the baby a bit longer.

Knox recovered rapidly over the next couple days, and by the time we were discharged, the only concern were his eyes. One eye had been scratched (think of it as burned) 90%, the other eye 70%. They were surface scratches, and the doctor expected a full recovery. They quickly healed over the next few days after we applied ointment several times a day. He is now left with scar tissue on one eye, and we are still praying for a full recovery with his little eyes. He will have a follow up appointment next week, and depending on how it has healed, we may need to exercise his eye a bit. But after everything he went through, this is great news.

Immediately, the word was spread through out my family and friends. I was receiving phone calls and texts making sure he was okay, and making sure I was okay. Prayers were in full force, and many people started fasting. I have always been a believer in prayer. Never have I doubted the power of prayer, but this experience truly opened up my eyes to how REAL this power is. We literally felt the healing power of the priesthood and prayer. I could feel every single prayer. The way Knox came out of this was a miracle. I'm so grateful I have a husband who honors the priesthood, and was giving a blessing to our child immediately. If he had not been there, I don't know what I would have done.

I find myself tearing up during the day as my mind goes back to certain details of that horrific night. Usually the teary eyes lead to a cry if I'm talking about it. But for the most part, life as we knew it has resumed, and this experience has changed me. My heart is so full of gratitude. I can't even begin to describe the gratitude I have for being the mother of my children. I cherish more greatly Knox's cries. I cherish his night time feedings even though they sometimes leave me slightly exhausted during the day. I cherish every single smile, and every single coo.

When something this big happens in your life, and you experience the power of prayer, of fasting, and of the priesthood, you have an incredible desire to live the gospel more fully, and to strengthen your relationship with God. I suddenly had a desire to read my scriptures better, to pray for others more earnestly, and to serve others.

There are things that seemed to consume my mind 2 weeks ago that seem so trivial now. I've gained a new perspective on things; an eternal perspective. I realize now what is really important in life, and have realized there are things I just need to let roll off my back. I hope I will always have this feeling I have now. The moment my mind goes back to finding my baby on the bed, I'm quickly reminded how important and real all these things are that I'm saying.

I mentioned in this post (click here) that we sensed Knox's strong spirit the minute he was born. He is definitely a strong little guy, and he is a FIGHTER. We love him SO much.

If there's something you get from this, I hope it's a) that prayer is REAL and b) that you hold your babies tight tonight and every night.

We love you, Knox! 

Above: this is the opthamologist giving a little eye treatment to Knox. This doctor amazed me. We were almost released on Saturday, and he gave us his card to meet him at his office Sunday for another treatment. Great doctor, right?! We ended up staying until Sunday, but I was so touched at how seriously this doctor takes his job, and the care he showed my baby.

Above: His swollen eyes. I think they may have actually been even more swollen at one point. He had his eyes swollen shut all day Friday, all day Saturday, and early Sunday morning when I was feeding him at 6am, he tried really hard to open them up for the first time. By 9am, he was propped up on a pillow on the bed, opening his eyes, and focusing. As soon as he saw our faces, he smiled so big and started coo-ing. Best moment! 

Above: Grandpa Jessup holding Knox with his eyes wide open! This was Sunday morning, soon after he had his eyes opened for the first time. 

My wonderful in-laws came into town that Saturday. I love them dearly, and so do my kids. I will give them a proper shout out in my next post.